On being creative and a parent… a personal practical guide.
A creative or a parent? It doesn’t have to be one or the other.
I’ve been parenting for six years now. When I became a mother, and while on my very privileged four month maternity leave, I felt very lucky to be home with my baby. I even toyed with the idea of quitting work, becoming a stay at home mother and dedicating my entire life to nourishing and nurturing this perfect little human that depended on me so deeply. It was a very palpable feeling of utter love and total surrender. I remember freely stating out loud that I’d given up dreams of climbing any hierarchical latter for my career, and gladly accepted flexibility to parent my baby.
Yet, I returned to work. I remember the first day back I didn’t know what to do with my arms. I’ve heard the biggest obstacle for people who recently quit smoking is that they don’t know what to do with their hands. It felt very much like an addiction I was slowly weaning myself off of. I was so used to carrying my baby all the time. The feeling of guilt that I wasn’t there for her, that I wasn’t raising her entirely was there. Yet, I returned to work. And that return reminded me that I wanted to be the first impression of a creative parent for her.
Then the lockdowns started and this itch to create became ever clearer. I spent more time with my daughter during the pandemic than I did with her in maternity leave, and it was magical. Yet, I wanted something that was mine, and perhaps it took a worldwide pandemic to remind me that I was a person before I was a parent, and that I have multiple parts that create all of me. I remember buying Julia Cameron’s, “The Artist’s Way,” in hopes that I it would stir up some hidden desires to what it was I wanted to create. But I could never get up early enough to get through the famous morning pages with my toddler always beating me to the wake up. I drew the line at 5am wake ups. Yet those embers were still hot and wanted me to feed the fire that wouldn’t die.
It took three years to figure out my place in the creative world, my role as a mother, to a now six year old, and how I can melt those two existences while still being true to myself. It took two years of dreaming, four months of planning and building and finally those small embers became a flame that is burning stronger with each action I take.
Earlier this month I launched art workers, a space that creates access and connection for BIPOC artists, arts administers and creatives. My daughter was with me at the first Creative Salon, she was the unofficial photographer, she hosted a guest’s child while I hosted guests. I realized that her life will always be entwined with mine, and she is my biggest supporter and champion. There doesn’t have to be different worlds like a professional, personal and creative life, we can merge all of them to create one life that will burn as bright as the sun. Motherhood taught me that, and creating art workers reminded me of that too.
Practical guide to being a creative parent:
Ask for help. It took my daughter starting preschool for me to carve out time to dream, and then it took for her starting elementary school to actual take action in my dreams. Find your community and ask for help.
Organize your day! My biggest deep work comes when my daughter is at school. I take my morning walks or exercise after drop off, work at my full time job and also take a few hours a week to work on my personal projects. When I pick her up at school in the later afternoon, she’s ready to be with me and I am ready to be with her.
Rituals create magic. Rituals help me stay organized: I know that every Monday - Friday will look like more or less (minus sickness or vacation times). For me, chaos doesn’t birth creativity. Rituals help me stay focused and keep me calm to move on to the next tasks.
Flexibility is key. I read once that Pablo Picasso would wake up around 3pm, have lunch, and work until 10pm, have dinner and go back to his studio until about 3am. If you’ve read Françoise Gilot’s biography, you’d learn that her creativity suffered to help his sore. My schedule revolves around my daughter’s. I don’t make her bend to an imaginary timeline that would hurt our relationship, I use those hours she is in school as my deep work time.
Have fun! Creating is letting your inner most dreams come to life. If it’s fine art, bringing an idea to life or your own passions. Parenting doesn’t have to hinder any dreams you have for your own creativity. When I think back to my pre-mother life, I wasted so much time. Now time is so essential, so sacred. Not just time away from my daughter, but time with her. Six years passed in the blink of an eye. Her smile, watching her create and tackle the world one day at a time is inspiring. Let their joy bring you joy and have fun! That is what life is all about!